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Homecoming What is it about Tucson that makes me so compelled to post to this thing? Either way, here I am in AZ- swimming in nostalgia and dust, waiting for the surly wench to open, and navigating that “everything changes by staying the same” kind of mindset that makes me simultaneously wince and smile. As many of you know, I’ve had a shitty two weeks. Furthermore, I’m an extremist by nature, (This has been scientifically proven by many many personality tests.) so when I have a shitty two weeks, I don’t just miss the train and get behind at work. Oh no. I go out with a bang. For me, a shitty two weeks means that my entire world view gets smashed and splintered through a heartwrenching betrayal that I survive by focusing my attention on my imploding professional life. A shitty two weeks means that the showerhead in my hotel falls out of the wall and smashes me in the skull while I’m trying to scrub the hangover off my poor marinated self before getting on another plane. A shitty two weeks means that I’ve cried a lot a lot a lot, and that the F train was doing that thing where getting anywhere on the weekend means I have to transfer three times, which means that I’ve had moments of teary misery at Hoyt-Schemmerhorn, which is my nemesis station, where nothing good ever happens. Shitty Shitty Shitty. So, like a Phoenix, I have come to Tucson to rebuild and recover and re-emerge. Some people think that Tucson has some kind of weird spiritual energy that heals the soul. I think it’s just hot as hell and so stunningly gorgeous that it changes you forever. But either way, there’s something here that happens, at least to me, and it seems like when all my roads get blocked, I end up here on a bicycle for a minute. And then it all opens right back up again. I have faith that this is what’s about to happen. I think. So, I’ve got 48 hours here to pick up my pieces and figure out their next configuration. I’m holding a caucus with my people tomorrow night, which is always a good grounding force, and then I’ve got some time to stare at the mountains and think and grow and build and heal and recover and try to stop asking “Why?” about the shitty weeks, and thinking “Now.” about the next few weeks. And then I go to LA, so I better make sure that my soul is all healed and sealed before I go, because that place tends to send me flying too… I moved away from here a year ago. I think I’ve changed the most by staying the same. I can’t wait to figure out what that means, exactly. |
